Yesterday was Tony and Violet’s wedding, and how wonderful it was! First they poured sand into a mug crafted from oak and elderberries, then mixed it with mead from their native Scandanavia and drank to the health of their ancestors and also the health of the Earth. And then…a dance in honour of Mother Gaea and all she provides for us, performed by me of course.
It went on for seventeen minutes with my dear companion making bird mating calls from the congregation, so I think we achieved our goal of insulting Tony’s parents to the extreme. See, Tony and Violet are from two very different families. Violet’s mother is involved in the Melbourne arborist business, which may sound strange to you since she and I are such good friends. Why, Violet was even allowed into the Great Mother Gaea Appreciation Society! With such a disgusting heritage? But no, her legacy is one of removing trees that are failing, those anchored into the ground against their will, suffering and dying with no one caring about their plight. She also does tree pruning, so whatever. In Gaea terms that’s basically a tree hairdresser.
But Tony’s parents? They own a logging company. Excuse me, I feel nauseous all of a sudden.
Hmm, yes, anyway…they do logging off in some foreign, innocent land, so Violet and the gang hatched up a perfect wedding to try to change their hearts. First there was the chalice, then the dancing, then we created effigies of our departed loved ones, called down the Earth Mother to infuse them with her spirit and burned them. The escaping fumes would be the fuel for Tony and Violet’s love, forever and ever.
Of course Violet pulled some strings in the top-class Melbourne tree pruning industry and had perfect likenesses of her and her new husband pruned out of deceased trees, who we tossed over a waterfall to symbolise the flowing current of their love. All-in-all, I think it was pretty convincing.
-Maple
Getting stuck in the sewers really gives you some time to think. I’d really call it quality time, and perhaps this should be more of a thing. I know I fell in there like an idiot and couldn’t get out because of my stubby little arms that need some more time at the gym, but actually, seriously, hear me out. I had to wait until morning, and I had many profound thoughts.
Oh, this is just cruel. Here we sit, in the company’s Townsville division, where the coffee tastes like muddy water and the floorboards creak like a haunted mansion, and we’re having to source supplies for a company that does 
I don’t always employ services for illicit purposes…but when I do, it’s for a good reason. That good reason would namely be that it benefits me, and that’s always a good thing. That is an excellent thing, you might say.
There’s always time for milk. People at work seem to think it’s odd that I have my own mini-fridge, just filled with milk that I drink at random intervals. That is, people who’ve never heard of 
When you’re in school you can’t wait for the day when you’re free and can starting living in the grown up world. What kids don’t seem to understand is school is the easy part. The growing up and having responsibility things gets real tedious, real fast. When you’re growing up I think most people take for granted their parents and all that they do. If homework and school is the only thing you have to really worry about you’ve got it easy. Adulthood hits in the face like a ice cold salmon fresh the cool waters of the Pacific ocean. You move out and things shift, slowly at first then all at once. Getting job, paying rent, paying bills, unexpected disasters, partners, babies, the list goes on. Suddenly you’re thinking back to your school days and missing the free and easy time you had. I’ve had some time to reflect on everything over the past few days laying in the hospital with broken legs. The house my wife and I purchased was a bit of fixer upper. It was easily the worst house on a great street so I figured I had made a good decision. We didn’t realise quite how bad it all was until after the auction. The house was falling to pieces.
I feel like once, just once, you’re likely to have a teacher or somebody else who stands up at school and gives a speech that blows your mind. Of course, all the odds differ person to person, but among everyone I’ve talked to, once seems to be the consensus. Some people seem to have no idea what I’m talking about, and they’re the people you can’t help but feel a little bad for. For my part, I’ve been one of the lucky ones. For me, it’s happened twice. 
I’m not afraid of heights, but it’s not like I want to go skydiving any time soon. I know it’s a strange choice for someone of my background but I want to try and be more adventurous. Life without spice is too depressing a thought for me, a full life is what my mother and my wife want. I’m glad that I am making all the arrangements without putting the burden on my wife.
I have promised Angelina I will escort her to this month’s flower show. She asks me every month and I always make up some excuse but this time she went through my assistant who thought I would want to spend the day with my irritating sister looking at different colour varieties of roses and various native shrub arrangements. Apparently this month, the focus is on 
I may be a humble provider of food service, but I know when something’s up. I always could smell trouble in the wind, like a wolf picking up a scent. I suppose I really should’ve been a detective instead of making canapes, but perhaps there’s still time. In any case, I keep my ear to the ground even when I’m serving, because you just never know what you’ll pick up, even in a place that seems as interesting as