Fruit for Hair

Alright, so one of my experiments might have gone a little bit wrong, unleashing hordes of dude-bro clones into the world. However, they are all really nice, and very friendly, and they can be reset remotely which I have done. But that’s still not enough for these people.

They said it was a “blight on humanity” and I “shouldn’t be playing with lives” and now I’m locked in here researching hair treatments. How common. Well, they’ll see. They’ll ALL see. With my mastery of biology, I’ll discover the best hair treatments in all of Melbourne, nay, all the world. My hair will be so soft, so silky smooth, that I can make people do whatever I want because they’ll want their hair to feel this good. Haha!

Anyway. Hairdressers using Aveda is quite a popular trend at the moment, so that works as a basis. People love fruit, and they love the word ‘extract’ when it comes to slathering things onto themselves, so we’re going to need fruit extract. Essence of pineapple might not actually do anything for you, in terms of hair growth or nourishment, but it does mix quite well with most hair products and it’ll make you smell quite lovely. This reminds me of a conversation I had with Chad Prime right after her was reset and gained an interest in hair products. He swore up and down that acai extract was the best thing for stimulating healthy hair growth and reviving damaged and split ends, and I had to explain to him that you can’t actually repair damaged hair, acai isn’t even as good for weight loss as people think, let alone restoring hair, and he’s actually not a real person. He was quite crestfallen at the thought of it: acai, not the superfood that everyone promises? Preposterous!

The reset went as planned, though. They’re being left alone for now, no doubt finding hair salons for appointments in Melbourne and all around, swapping clothes shopping tips and auditioning for amateur theatre productions, while I’m stuck in here, seeing if I can improve hair products by adding durian fruit.

And no, you definitely can’t. Durian is straight-up nasty, man.

-Professor T

Haircuts Are Relaxing

I wish I could get my hair cut every single week. As in, I wish I had magical Rapunzel hair that made that feasible. It would get cut, and then grow back in a day or two…is that Rapunzel? I’m not good with remembering things. I thought it was Rapunzel who rappelled down a tower using her hair and then saved the Mad Hatter’s dinner party. I’m gonna say I’m about 80% sure on that one.

Hair appointments are just relaxing, in a way that nothing else is. I have all of my hair salon appointments in South Melbourne mapped out, going to different places so they don’t think that I’m weird, even though that’s the truth.

My running theory is that I don’t really control much in my life, and I’m SUPER bad at relaxing. I’m full of nervous energy, and I don’t even like to just sit and watch Neat-Flicks when I’m at home. I’ll watch Neat-Flicks, to be sure, but I won’t do it in a relaxed way. I’ll carry my laptop around and watch while I’m washing the dishes, doing the laundry…anything on my feet. Sometimes I just put my laptop on the chair and stand up, do some jogging on the spot, stretches…so long as I’m not sitting down, I’m golden. Well, not golden. It’s really bad that I can’t relax.

Then I get my hair done, and suddenly, I have no choice. Can’t dance around in the chair, because they’ll cut my hair wrong. Can’t stand up, because that’s silly. I HAVE to sit there, still, and I HAVE to listen to the calming snip-snip sounds, and make pleasant conversation that has nothing to do with my normal, stressful life.

It’s really nice, is what I’m getting at. Need to make another appointment, actually. Looking for recommendations for a really great hairdresser near David Jones, so…hit me up! I’m on the lookout for new hot-spots. Maybe I can get my eyebrows done, or just a styling session, or a colouring. Anything to keep me still for a few minutes.


The Girls With Hair of Steel

South Melbourne hairdresserI’m seriously considering taking a hair course, just for my daughters. Oh, I’ll do it…don’t you think I won’t. It’s not my fault they ended up getting the Enderby genes (NOT my side of the family, thank you very much) and now they’ve both been cursed to grow up with hair like metal wire. The one mercy is that it looks lovely once it’s brushed, but that process can take up to an hour, and that’s not including washing time with a special shampoo that is rather cruelly named ‘Guantanamo Frizz’.

Oh, ha ha, funny copywriting people.

I think as they get older, we’ll need to take them to the salon more and more for all kinds of things, so I’ll probably save money in the long run. Well, maybe. I’m sure there’s a reliable South Melbourne hairdressing place just around the corner with a lax policy towards standing orders and regular customers. And if you knew my Raya and Charlotte, then you’d think they were already known to the hairdressers of Melbourne anyway. Those girls with the nice red hair that also happens to be strong enough to use as a garrote. I suppose they could always put that talent to use if they want to become lady assassins.

So, my choice is to take a hair course and learn to untangle these stubborn tresses, or find a hairdresser somewhere who’ll take pity and give us some pity rates. There’s no official ‘hair untangling’ service listed in most windows, so maybe it’s not as expensive as I’m thinking? Maybe they just whip out the special, heavy-duty brush that all salons have lying around, run it through a few times, use some of their training to work out the kinks and do it in a quarter of the time. I don’t know if I have the dexterity for something like that. Maybe it really is a job for Melbourne’s hair salons and their untangling expertise. OR…I could convince Raya and Charlotte that pixie-cuts are totally in.