Decompression Sickness is No Good

hyperbaric medicineOkay, so, fun fact for everyone. Decompression sickness isn’t fun. In fact, out of all the things that exist, including playing tennis, baking cakes, walking a dog, walking five dogs and fighting in World War II…it’s in the middle, but definitely towards the bad end. Man, just imagine all the times when people were only first scuba diving and they had no idea this thing existed. All those cases of the bends, and they probably thought it was due to diving too deep and getting some sort of weird ocean brain sickness.

People nowadays really have excuse for it, which is why I feel pretty stupid. Just like ‘hey, I’m done, winch me back up double time!’ None of us were professionals, so…here I am! Luckily, hyperbaric medicine in Melbourne is taking off pretty much right now. Never really liked the idea before. Bit claustrophobic, not entirely into medicine that isn’t a man in a white coat writing on a clipboard and clearly telling you what’s going on before there’s a needle in your arm full of delicious, 100% peer-proven science. Apparently white coats aren’t a thing anymore, so…that’s disappointing. Stock photos really do have a lot to answer for.

But in the same vein, I’m having my opinion changed of hyperbaric oxygen chambers. I mean, this is their main function after all. Decompression sickness is their main jam, totally proven and good for what ails you, if what ails is decompression sickness. Which it is. I’m just counting myself fortunate that these chambers are still around in Melbourne. Someone could’ve just said ‘stuff it, nobody gets the bends any more, let’s chuck them out’. And then I’d be stuffed. Probably walking around with a head full of air for the rest of my life. So thank goodness some people thought Melbourne’s hyperbaric chamber scene needed to be enlivened. As it turns out, I’m very grateful.


indoor cricket netsFor a long time, people have played with the idea of ‘moon golf’. Obviously in low gravity, golf as a sport can be greatly expanded from its current limitations. Now, our moon colony IS going to have artificial gravity generators, but in the future I can see some scope for creating sport domes with differing levels of gravity, for the entertainment of our moon citizens. Just imagine boxing taking place in zero gravity. Golf, where a single weak swing can send the ball careening into orbit (which would be some kind of foul…maybe we’ll work on that). In any case, like with practically everything ever, we shall be refining and perfecting in our glorious moon society.

Of course, we’ll need all of Earth’s sporting industries. Sports netting will be even more important than ever, lest someone nudge a football, or tap a baseball in the wrong direction. We don’t want them slamming into the dome or hitting any of the spectators. See, everyone is making plans for planting food, governing the new population, childbirth (more complex than you’d think in zero-G), maintaining order and of course founding temples to worship our glorious leaders. But there needs to be more people thinking about the day-to-day details. The hairdressers, the bakeries, the multimedia entertainment, and possibly nightclubs. Jury is out on that one. But sports netting? I don’t think anyone has brought it up as of yet. Not only will the desire for sport continue as healthily as ever, I think it will be even more necessary. We need to maintain muscle mass and get plenty of exercise. People who make indoor cricket nets and tennis nets and even other more obscure kinds- football, for example- will be extremely necessary. After all, every time a football escapes into orbit, procuring a new one might be quite a difficult task, even one requiring a trip to Earth.  Better to preserve resources by making safety nets for our sporting entertainment.