Month: January 2020

Fruit for Hair

Alright, so one of my experiments might have gone a little bit wrong, unleashing hordes of dude-bro clones into the world. However, they are all really nice, and very friendly, and they can be reset remotely which I have done. But that’s still not enough for these people.

They said it was a “blight on humanity” and I “shouldn’t be playing with lives” and now I’m locked in here researching hair treatments. How common. Well, they’ll see. They’ll ALL see. With my mastery of biology, I’ll discover the best hair treatments in all of Melbourne, nay, all the world. My hair will be so soft, so silky smooth, that I can make people do whatever I want because they’ll want their hair to feel this good. Haha!

Anyway. Hairdressers using Aveda is quite a popular trend at the moment, so that works as a basis. People love fruit, and they love the word ‘extract’ when it comes to slathering things onto themselves, so we’re going to need fruit extract. Essence of pineapple might not actually do anything for you, in terms of hair growth or nourishment, but it does mix quite well with most hair products and it’ll make you smell quite lovely. This reminds me of a conversation I had with Chad Prime right after her was reset and gained an interest in hair products. He swore up and down that acai extract was the best thing for stimulating healthy hair growth and reviving damaged and split ends, and I had to explain to him that you can’t actually repair damaged hair, acai isn’t even as good for weight loss as people think, let alone restoring hair, and he’s actually not a real person. He was quite crestfallen at the thought of it: acai, not the superfood that everyone promises? Preposterous!

The reset went as planned, though. They’re being left alone for now, no doubt finding hair salons for appointments in Melbourne and all around, swapping clothes shopping tips and auditioning for amateur theatre productions, while I’m stuck in here, seeing if I can improve hair products by adding durian fruit.

And no, you definitely can’t. Durian is straight-up nasty, man.

-Professor T

Procrastination Woes

It’s time to put the recycling out. I know this for sure because it’s currently spilling all over the floor, so really, it was time to put the recycling out several days ago. What is wrong with me, seriously? I’d actually taken my unemployment pretty well up until now. It was going to be an opportunity to get stuff done around the house, shift into a different career, maybe go on a trip if I was frugal enough.

But instead, I’m mired in the swamp of procrastination. Guess I just need the routine of getting up every morning and going to the office…or wherever. Good to know for life. Though I did manage to catch a documentary yesterday that gave me pause. It started off talking about commercial LED lighting, so I left it on because I was trying to sleep and it sounded dull enough to get me there. But then it turned out to be interesting, funnily enough- the scientific principles of LED lighting are actually pretty cool once you take away all the surface stuff- and then it sort of blended into a documentary about automation in both business and home.

So here’s me wishing I had a robotic butler to take out the recycling, but then they let people test a special automated home for sixty days and they turned out just terrible. Everything was done for them: cooking, cleaning, washing…they never even had to turn on the lights. They had special LED lights that adjusted to location and brightness, with no manual setting. At the end of the sixty days, the people inside were bored stiff and just desperately wanted to wash a dish, or iron a shirt.

Kinda sucks because I’ve forgotten everything I learned about industrial LED lighting solutions, so maybe I can catch the documentary again. Still, maybe I should be grateful that I have to take out the recycling and turn the lights on and off myself. Keeps us all sane, apparently. Thanks, lighting!

-Dai