Category: Beauty

How does a person get better at laser hair removal? I’d better find out quick…there’s an excellent job going and I’d like to make it mine! They’re calling is a ‘Competitive Interview’, which is a new one for me, but whatever works for them. In any case, Lawrence Corp is opening a beauty treatment business here in Bendigo. Laser hair removal is still around here, of course, but this is Lawrence Corp we’re talking about here. They’re basically technology rock stars! Everyone is using the Lawrence-Mobile network on their Lawrence Mobile phones. The only smartphone on the market that has an ‘extreme sass’ setting. Mine is called Paprika and I’ve set it up so she knows when I get into a car and starts insulting my driving. So much fun!

Anyway…beauty. There are jobs going at the new salon and I am pumped. Interviewees have to go through a complex procedure in front of a panel of judges, after which there’s another complex procedure in front of a panel of judges that tests something completely different. It’s a wonder they’re not televising the entire thing. The only problem is that I have no way to practice, what with me having sub-par equipment and no subjects. My brother already gave me a straight no, and Mum and Dad said I’m not allowed to practice on the dog. It’s not like the job involves giving laser hair removal and cosmetic tattooing to animals anyway, so it wouldn’t help me all that much to practice on Kiki.

Nope, I’ll be needing some sort of live subject. Maybe I can go along to one of the local salons and beauty parlours, book an appointment for three hours from then and just…sit there in the waiting chair. Watching. Learning. Getting to know the ways of Bendigo cosmetic tattooing and eyebrow maintenance.

Heck, I don’t even need this job; it’s just the competitive spirit in me! My practice will come to something, at some point. Everyone needs hair removal…

-Deirdre

You know how sometimes you love a movie director, and then you’re forced to reconsider your devotion when they constantly let you down? It sucks, so much…but hey, everyone has their time at the top. There’s a new Yaival DuMesque flick coming out soon, so the way I see it, this is his final chance. The trailer looks fantastic, but…the last two movies he put out had brilliant trailers as well, and look how THEY turned out.

Knifey-Spooney really wasn’t so bad in parts. I liked how it properly represented Australian culture, which is impressive since the guy himself isn’t even Australian. But that last one, Lipstick? Just terrible. I have a sister who works around Melbourne doing lip fillers and all kinds of beauty stuff like that, and she said he got the whole industry totally wrong. Okay, you probably didn’t see it because the reviews were terrible, but without spoiling anything: it’s the future, 2070 or something. Trends have come and gone, flying cars are a thing and Luxembourg is the new world superpower because they have the fastest internet. Meanwhile, in New Melbourne (the old one fell victim to a planned demolition, because people wanted hard-light skyscrapers like in Mumbai and there was a rat-scorpion infestation in the CBD anyway), beauticians have become the new rock stars. Social media is the new dominant force of culture…so, kind of like now, but even more so, so naturally looking your best is considered the pinnacle of achievement. So where does that leave people in Melbourne and surrounding areas doing cosmetic tattooing, lip fillers, anti wrinkle injections and all of that stuff? The most sought after people in society. They’re invited to premieres, museum openings, on talk shows all the time, selling biographies…and don’t get me wrong, that’s not the part I have a problem with.

No, the whole plot about a giant scorpion rat (not the same thing as a rat-scorpion) really distracted from the characters in the climax. It’s like DuMesque has run out of ways to end his movies, and just goes full typical Hollywood. It’s a shame. Interesting prediction of the future, though. And hey, social media really is everything. Let’s see if Melbourne’s anti-wrinkle treatments take off!

-Andrew