Getting stuck in the sewers really gives you some time to think. I’d really call it quality time, and perhaps this should be more of a thing. I know I fell in there like an idiot and couldn’t get out because of my stubby little arms that need some more time at the gym, but actually, seriously, hear me out. I had to wait until morning, and I had many profound thoughts.
Like, imagine all of Melbourne’s sewer repair people, doing their thing and having these great thoughts all the time, though maybe they’re hard at work and it’s not the same for them. There’s just something about the sewer that represents perfect desolation, like being in space but a bit lower than usual instead of higher.
What I’m trying to say is that, in the end, I shouldn’t be embarrassed about falling into the sewer, because it really was a learning experience for us all, or maybe just me. You could almost say that it was GOOD thing that I fell in, spent sixteen hours wandering around in the dark and thinking great thoughts about drain repair and how much it really smells down there. I could give sewer tours, where nobody talks and we just enjoy the quiet. I’m not embarrassed, clearly, not at all. For one thing, I got all my Christmas shopping done…in my head. All that time to think, and I now know exactly what to get everyone I know, even the people I don’t like who won’t be getting a present anyway. How much stress is that off my mind? A lot! It’d be a lot off anyone’s mind!
So, the sewer. A wonderful place of profound thought. In fact, when the nice Melbourne drainage contractors found me wandering down there, covered in much, exhausted and pathetic, I almost didn’t want to come out. One day I’ll return. Not for a few years, though…but I totally will. You could almost say I meant to fall down there, and it’d almost be true. How about that?
-Spencer