New pool and fence for my show-off neighbours

glass pool fencesMy neighbours are such show-offs. It’s like the admiration of those less fortunate is their lifeblood. Just last week, they had their fence repainted. Now, they are getting a stunning glass fenced pool installed, Melbourne has never before seen such a family of show-offs.

Now, you may be wondering how I know this. After all, it is not like I can see into their backyard. Here is the kicker: it is in the front yard. Who gets a pool installed in their front yard? Only my neighbours, because they are desperate for everyone else to be jealous of them.

I, for one, am not jealous. Only a little. Okay, I am jealous this time. I wish I could get a lovely blue pool with a classy glass fence around it. I was not jealous of anything else they had done until now. Not the fence, not the garish statue in their front yard, and not even the sportscar sitting in their driveway. Funny how everything seems to be on the outside. The inside is probably a complete dump. I’d like to think so, anyway.

I may not live in a place that can accommodate a pool, but I do like to think about my dream house. I’d live in a huge mansion, with a kidney shaped pool enclosed by a sleek frameless pool fence, in Melbourne of course. I would have a walk-in wardrobe, with plenty of space for the designer clothes I would own. I would have huge entertainment spaces, as family comes first. I want these things not to show off, but because they would bring me joy. Other than the wardrobe- I have to have one indulgence, after all- every aspect of my dream house is centred on how I would use it. I would invite friends and family to the pool, and it would be in the backyard too, so nobody is conscious of jealous neighbours looking in. A pool is completely wasted on my shallow neighbours.

Window into adult responsibilities

aluminium window repairsIt was unclear to Allan why Susan was behaving in such a relaxed manner. He felt positively stressed, both physiologically and mentally, and yet she just sat there sipping tea and laughing along. As the sweat thickened on his brow and his throat became increasingly scratchy, it appeared that Susan experienced the opposite, she seemed to become even more relaxed. He had arranged the aluminium windows installation in Melbourne for the following day and was quickly regretting it. He was in no mood to deal with his windows, and Susan was completely oblivious. Earlier that day she had texted him reminding him of the window installation. He hadn’t replied. They had fought for weeks over the pros and cons of aluminium windows versus timber windows. Of course, Susan had won.

Susan always won. The house next door had also opted for aluminium windows which slightly comforted Allan but he still felt cheated and bullied. He had been there the night the neighbours had to arrange for an aluminium window repairs company in Melbourne to come and fix their sliding aluminium windows in their basement. He had seen the craftsmanship that went into the window repairs. Allan tried to get windows of his mind as he tried to fall asleep that night. He was dreading tomorrow and wanted so desperately to tell Susan to cancel. Susan was fast asleep and appeared to be dreaming blissfully as a dull but wide smile lay slap across her face. All he wanted was to get out of bed, pack a bag and run for the hills. He knew Susan would never forgive him, not just because of the aluminium windows but on behalf of the children and the entire community. When Allan was 17 his biggest problem was which pizza toppings he would have that night and how to sneak into his house after curfew. Now he lay there dreaming of such adolescent stresses.

How to termite check a house before purchasing

termite control dandenongBefore you buy a new home, you will want to make sure it is not going to fall apart after settlement. The best thing you can invest in is a termite inspection, Dandenong homes are susceptible to particular white ant problems which an inspection will reveal.

There are some preliminary checks you can perform yourself when inspecting a house. Look for visible signs of water damage. If there is debris on windowsills, check where is it coming from. Vibrations such as those induced by trains travelling on a nearby train line, or cars on a freeway, can cause problems with the stability of the house.

There are some issues that the untrained eye will not pick up, so for your peace of mind it is best to order a full termite inspection on the property. This can often be done at short notice, so do not be strong armed into signing anything before your inspection occurs, even if there are other interested buyers.

An inspection of the property will look for pests, especially termites which abound in Melbourne. Termites, also known as white ants, feast on wood and can cause serious structural problems. If a termite problem is not dealt with early enough,the house may have to be condemned if it is possible it could collapse.

There are also other issues that the inspector will assess the home for. Structural stability is an important one, and they will also look at other details such as plumbing and guttering. While faulty gutters can be easily replaced, it is best if you know this before you purchase the house.

Regardless of the inspections you do yourself, it is crucial to spring for a pest control in Dandenong due to the ever-worsening termite problem. A pre purchase report will find any issues that you missed, and will help you decide if the property is suitable for your family.

Pet shops unlikely to use floor cleaners

carpet cleaning MelbourneThree out of every four pet shops in Melbourne have never been properly cleaned, a study released yesterday has shown.

Most pet shop owners are unaware that they should get professionally floor and carpet steam cleaning, Melbourne pet shop expert Dylan Larkins says.

“Pet shops are notoriously filthy places as animals largely cannot clean up after themselves,” he said.

“Yet cleaning duties are usually performed by staff when manning the shop. As a result, the cleaning is only for cosmetic purposes.”

The pet shop cleaning study was undertaken by Larkins, who had long suspected that pet shops were not being cleaned adequately.

Carpeted pet shops are slightly more likely to have had their floors cleaned, the study reveals. Larkins suggests in the study that this is because the pet shop owner may be aware that carpet can absorb odours.

“Floorboards usually get a good sweeping once or twice a week, and that’s it,” Larkins said, paraphrasing his conclusions.

“Furthermore, pet shop owners think that cleaning by a broom which may be re-used for many years is hygienic. The best option would actually be grout and tile cleaners for Melbourne regulations to be satisfied.”

Pet shop sales assistant Katrina Owers, 16, agrees with the findings of the study.

“As far as I know, the floors never get cleaned other spot cleaning when a mess is made,” she said.

“Usually it is because a bunny has pushed straw out of its cage and onto the floor. If I’m serving a customer, I usually don’t even worry about cleaning it up until long after they’re gone, because I might forget. We do clean inside the cages every week, though, so at least that’s something.”

The study also revealed that Melbourne pet shops who do hire professional carpet cleaners regularly are likely to have higher sales figures over the last quarter.

“What we’re seeing here is a feedback loop,” explained Larkins.

“Bigger shops are more likely to have strategies in place to manage cleaning such as hiring a proper cleaner, and in turn, stores that have better cleaning procedures have higher takings as customers spend longer in the store. This is consistent with a previous study of mine, which found that customers spend less time in shops with unpleasant odours.”

I Just Love Being High Up

folding platform laddersI think I might have ended up with a restraining order…against the sky. Well, uh, sort of?

Okay, I really just like my heights, but it keeps getting me in serious trouble. There was the foiled skydiving attempt when I was on the plane to Tahiti, which in retrospect makes me glad that it was foiled. The base jumping society has banned me from all further meetings because apparently I make them nervous. And then there are the improv bungee sessions, which eventually landed me in court. A lot of things actually landed me in court, but this seemed to be the final straw for the judge. Now I’m banned from being more than twenty feet in the air, lest my natural urges take over.

No three-storey buildings, no bungee jumps, no climbing walls, and definitely no folding platform ladders. In my defence, I didn’t do any prior research into what folding platform ladders actually were for, before I went and attached a bungee cord to one of them. Now I have to make an official apology to the people at the building site, even though I didn’t actually break anything. I suppose they want to know that I’ve learned my lesson not to mess with building supplies, but with a restraining order on my further airborne activities, what’s the point?

I don’t know how I’m going to live, being so attached to the ground. Humans weren’t meant to just walk around their entire lives, you know? That’s why we were made with brains to let us invent things like hang gliders and jet packs, and reunite with man’s best friend (birds) in the air. So, all kinds of aluminium work platforms are definitely out. I need to find another way around this. The sky is calling.

-Skye

Finally Moved In…

conveyancerMoving day is over, I can tentatively say that it’s all done with. I thought just the process of deciding to move was enough, since we tossed the idea up and down for a good three years. Not that I didn’t LIKE the old area, but…it’s boring. I want a place that can be quiet most of the time, but is still close enough to activity.

Well…that’s just when the troubles started. Finding the perfect home is a drag, but we didn’t have the money to build our own. It’s just that nitty-gritty bit of finding a place that checks all the boxes at once…and we thought, since we’d been looking for three years, there was no use rushing things and not checking every single box, right? What a nightmare. Eventually we had ALL the professionals in to help us look, like indecisive kids in a lolly shop. Pretty sure we bounced off (and irritated) every single conveyancer in Carnegie, and that was only the beginning.

Millions of miles of paperwork later, and we were finally ready to make our moving dream a reality.

Oh, unrelated note…did you know that Yaival DuMesque is filming his next big blockbuster in Melbourne? Whatever it is, it’s some sort of western, and he got permission from the local council to bring in hundreds of cows and dozens of horses to transform the Carnegie centre into a movie set for the day. Must’ve cost a fortune. And when I said unrelated, I meant that it happened on exactly the day we were moving. Funny, all those hours spent in the conveyancer’s office didn’t prepare us for the nightmare of being gridlocked by cows for three hours, then told to go the long way around.

But it’s done. It HAS to be done. The conveyancers over in Caulfield (they were dealing with the previous owners, and…oh, it’s too complicated) have assured us that the whole possum infestation incident isn’t going to affect the paperwork. Transfers are done, the house is hours…and I just want to sleep for three days.

-Tanya

Looking for an Alternative

dry needling courses SydneyThere comes a time when an office job is not enough. I’m done with fetching coffee and making copies! Also, making coffee and fetching copies. It’s very easy to get those two mixed up, and that also is a stress I do not need in my life.

I’ve been having a bit of a search for exciting career options, and nothing has really come up. I can’t be a mountaineering guide because my asthma would act up something fierce. I can’t swim and learning would be like taking another degree, so marine biologist. Of course, there are always those dry needling courses in Sydney currently taking place, but I’m not sure about that either. It’s not quite as ‘extreme’ as what I’m looking for.

Somehow, I’m not willing to strike it off the list entirely. Let’s face it: I’m not in the physical shape to be doing extreme sports every day, and something akin to dry needling might be be the alternative career path I need. It’s definitely more appealing than both massage therapy and forensic pathology, both of which came up when I searched for alternative careers. I’m not so into a ‘hands-on’ career like massaging, and forensic pathology would lead to poking around inside dead people, I’m pretty sure. That, also, is off the table. Way off the table. Off the table and into the trash can.

Well, unless I want to become a feng shui interior designer, I guess I’m taking a dry needling course. Me, needling. It’s still a bit too close to massage therapy for my liking, but you don’t actually have to touch anyone (the needles do it all, supposedly) and there’s no blood. I get a bit faint when I see blood, so I better HOPE there’s none of it.

Guess I’m looking around Australia for a dry needling course. There’s going to be one in Sydney, right? I kinda have a fear of flying…

-Terrence

Let the drains flow free

drain replacement MelbourneI’m so over having to unblock these drains by hand. Do you know how gross it is to put your hand down a drain and pull out a ball of hair? It’s completely gross to hand pick out balls of greasy hair from a drain. I’m not going to do it anymore, my wife is going to have to start being more responsible. She has very thick hair that tends to clog up the drains frequently. She’ll be in the shower and I’ll hear a yell and come in to see the water flowing back up from the sink. I’m going to leave the number for the blocked sewer company based in Melbourne on her nightstand, maybe she’ll get the hint. I don’t think I’m going to be able to fix the drains much longer anyway.

Each time it takes longer and is more difficult to fix. We really need to get a professional from drain inspections Melbourne to see what’s going on. My wife isn’t going to be happy when I turn the water off. Until she calls the team who deal with drain replacement, Melbourne pipes are old and in desperate need of repair.

I’m looking forward to them coming to fix my latest drain problems. There will be no water flowing in this household until that time. I have to put my foot down sometimes, it’s not like I haven’t tried to ask nicely. I’ve explained several times that she can’t just drop her hair down the shower drain. It’s not my fault that she doesn’t listen. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and we rarely ever have any problems, I’m just taking a stand. It’s important to stand up for what you believe in and not let people walk over you. I’m not going to be a pushover on things that are important. If the drains get too damaged it’s going to cost a lot of money to have them replaced.

Farewell to the Cello Championship

termite inspectionsWell, there go all my plans to be the cello champion of Australia. And with the Cello Championships coming up, as well…I was so close! I know I won’t be able to afford a new one by then, so I guess I’ll have to focus on learning a cheaper instrument. See, this is why I should’ve gone with the recorder from the start. Nana said, she definitely said that I should put my efforts into learning something that can be more easily be carried around. Still, I had no idea that leaving my cello outside for a couple of days would lead to it being eaten by termites. And now we’ve got the Dandenong termite control people in to have a look at the house, so actually…maybe this all turned out pretty well. Maybe. Just maybe.

Still unfortunate. I took it back from practice the other night, realised I forgot my key and had to go round the back door. My back door key had mysteriously vanished from my keyring (it later turned up in the washing machine…which explained the metallic clinking every time I put a load on), so I had to pry my bedroom door window open. Got a call as soon as I came in, which made me forget that I’d left my cello outside next to the wood pile. Didn’t have cause to use the back door for the next couple of days since I worked a double shift and don’t even use that door much anyway. And then I remembered. Came out, and…well, those little termites had migrated from our old wood pile so some quality Canadian pine. My cello was still sort of in-tact, but only barely, and it certainly doesn’t make nice noises any more. Shame, because I’ll now have to save up for a new one and get used to it all over again, etc.

So, the moral of the story is…termite control is important. And when you leave a piece of expensive wood sitting outside for two days, nature will begin to reclaim it. Still, like I said, Dandenong pest control have now done a rush through and confirmed that the little critters aren’t starting on my house as a second course. So…peace of mind. Peace of mind, but no more cello.

-Andrea

Tree Chopping, Different Oop North!

tree trimming MelbourneHey Dad,

So, the folks here must be ‘avin a laugh. They all think I’m from London, because no one here has heard of, like…anything above that. Because all of England is London, ey oop?

Honestly, people here know less than me mates Terry and Barry, and Terry and Barry are right numpties. One comedian even tried to say somethin’ to me about fish and chips and I asked him, I said right to ‘is face, are you avin’ a laugh? You ‘avin a giggle there, mate? I’ll bash yer ‘ead in, I’ll smack ye in the gabber, I swear on me mum!

At least I get to so somethin’ a little more up my street, which is tree pruning. Melbourne lads, they’re a right lark with a chainsaw and a plate ‘o beans, just hacking all day long and getting’ rid of them trees. You even get the emergency lot, drivin’ in on them big trucks with their fancy equipment. First day I dunno what I’m lookin’ at, so I say to them, I says ‘what you got all this palava for?’, and they guy says somethin’ in Aussie, don’t really get it, but it looks like all the tree loppers ‘ave it around here, so they can chop down them trees. And of course I’m all like ‘ahh, way! You avin’ a laugh?’ and they don’t know what that meant, not ‘cause they’re a bit thick, but they don’t have much of a clue when it comes to stuff outside Melbourne. Dunno why, since I get what they’re saying just fine.

This tree trimming is a right lark, and you see all types in the job from the teens to the auld fellas. The boss is a good fella, lets is go home early if we’re up the trot. So I’m all like ‘belter, boss, right in!’ and he looks at me funny an’ I’m proper devo’d. I think I’m getting a lot of that, to be honest. Maybe I need to talk a bit more like one ‘o them?

So long as I know them specific Melbourne tree trimming terms, I’m well in. Anyway, say ‘ello to me Gran next time you visit the county jail, and tell ‘er she still owes me a tenner, the old bat.

-Barry