So, the folks here must be ‘avin a laugh. They all think I’m from London, because no one here has heard of, like…anything above that. Because all of England is London, ey oop?
Honestly, people here know less than me mates Terry and Barry, and Terry and Barry are right numpties. One comedian even tried to say somethin’ to me about fish and chips and I asked him, I said right to ‘is face, are you avin’ a laugh? You ‘avin a giggle there, mate? I’ll bash yer ‘ead in, I’ll smack ye in the gabber, I swear on me mum!
At least I get to so somethin’ a little more up my street, which is tree pruning. Melbourne lads, they’re a right lark with a chainsaw and a plate ‘o beans, just hacking all day long and getting’ rid of them trees. You even get the emergency lot, drivin’ in on them big trucks with their fancy equipment. First day I dunno what I’m lookin’ at, so I say to them, I says ‘what you got all this palava for?’, and they guy says somethin’ in Aussie, don’t really get it, but it looks like all the tree loppers ‘ave it around here, so they can chop down them trees. And of course I’m all like ‘ahh, way! You avin’ a laugh?’ and they don’t know what that meant, not ‘cause they’re a bit thick, but they don’t have much of a clue when it comes to stuff outside Melbourne. Dunno why, since I get what they’re saying just fine.
This tree trimming is a right lark, and you see all types in the job from the teens to the auld fellas. The boss is a good fella, lets is go home early if we’re up the trot. So I’m all like ‘belter, boss, right in!’ and he looks at me funny an’ I’m proper devo’d. I think I’m getting a lot of that, to be honest. Maybe I need to talk a bit more like one ‘o them?
So long as I know them specific Melbourne tree trimming terms, I’m well in. Anyway, say ‘ello to me Gran next time you visit the county jail, and tell ‘er she still owes me a tenner, the old bat.