I asked my readers last week what kind of skill YOU’D like to have around the home. Nobody actually reads my blog, so there weren’t any replies. However the stress of being totally alone all the time has steadily driven me mad, so I’m perfectly capable of pretending that I had loads of responses.
The winner was plumbing, of course. Nobody likes it when the hot water runs out, stops working, becomes busted or is just too darn hot. That last one is often neglected, but it’s been estimated that around 10% of Melbourne emergency plumber callouts are due to people who run their hand under the tap and are burned and need someone to fix the tap so it just produces pleasantly warm water. Who wants their tap to spew forth boiling water, anyway? That’s what a kettle is for, or a saucepan on the stove if you’re just that medieval.
And then what if your cold water breaks down and you can only get hot stuff? Say it’s the summer, you’re sweltering without air conditioning and you just need a glass of cold water. Too ad you didn’t get that fixed while it was still winter and/or autumn! Now you’re stuck filling up a glass with hot water and putting it in the fridge, in the hopes that you’ll be saved from this plight. But then you have to wait about half an hour before that water reaches room temperature, so no luck there. Oh, what a sad situation.
If you’d trained as a plumber you could fix all of this yourself, and feel like an expert while doing it. You’d be the pride of the neighbourhood as you go from place to place, fixing their water services for a reasonable fee, just like an actual plumber. Except you WOULD be a plumber. Melbourne needs more plumbers, I think. I haven’t had hot water for seven months.
-Archibald
You know how sometimes you love a movie director, and then you’re forced to reconsider your devotion when they constantly let you down? It sucks, so much…but hey, everyone has their time at the top. There’s a new Yaival DuMesque flick coming out soon, so the way I see it, this is his final chance. The trailer looks fantastic, but…the last two movies he put out had brilliant trailers as well, and look how THEY turned out.
I have had it with this job. Being an apprentice builder is hard work. My boss treats me like a glorified servant, I have to get up early every day, and I get paid a pittance. Oh, and now a bunch of my tools have been stolen. My boss has been on my back to get one of those 
Yesterday was Tony and Violet’s wedding, and how wonderful it was! First they poured sand into a mug crafted from oak and elderberries, then mixed it with mead from their native Scandanavia and drank to the health of their ancestors and also the health of the Earth. And then…a dance in honour of Mother Gaea and all she provides for us, performed by me of course.
Getting stuck in the sewers really gives you some time to think. I’d really call it quality time, and perhaps this should be more of a thing. I know I fell in there like an idiot and couldn’t get out because of my stubby little arms that need some more time at the gym, but actually, seriously, hear me out. I had to wait until morning, and I had many profound thoughts.